A phrase that often goes through my head is “some days are better than others”, and I have often used this in my posts and stories, simply because it is so true. Some days are great! Other days are average. And some days, we feel like we are in a living hell.
We might be too tired to fight it; things seem too difficult to keep pressing on. But even if some days the only thing I do is survive, I will not give up. If I wrote out my entire life story, not once would you read that I gave up, and this is why.
It’s not about smiling and pretending to be okay.
It’s not about faking that you’re not hurting.
It’s not about suppressing bad feelings.
But it IS about pressing on despite them.
It IS about acknowledging and accepting the problems.
And it IS about accepting the fact that you aren’t okay, and not letting that stop you from doing anything.
It could be so easy to just let go of any hope and be consumed by the darkness. Honestly, it is incredibly hard to not let that happen when you’re in a really bad place. Even now as I write this, in my mind, I am surrounded by darkness. I’m going through a really low valley, it’s really dark in here, and I don’t know when it is going to end.
But that’s not going to stop me. I will still get up every day, I will still work hard to be the best wife and mother I can be, I will still read my Bible and pray, and I will still live my life
I will not say I am depressed, or I am anxious. Instead, I will say that I suffer from depression and anxiety. These are illnesses, they are a thing which I, and many others, experience; they are not me or who I am. I will not be defined by an illness.
So my friends, basically what I want to say to you is, “No, I’m not okay. But it’s okay.” I am constantly reminded WHOSE strength I am fighting this with as a Christian. I am not doing this alone, and I am not the only one. I don’t have to fight this in my own strength. In fact, I don’t have to fight it at all. Because it’s something I acknowledge and accept, and will deal with as it is handed to me. I will fight to do the right thing, to stay on my feet, and I will fight to keep pressing through the darkness. I will fight not against the darkness, but for the light.
Yes, I am in a dark place. No, that doesn’t make me a pessimist; it just means I can still enjoy life and experience joy regardless of the darkness. Yes, depression and anxiety could quite probably be things I will battle for the rest of my life, they could haunt me forever. But they also might not. Either way, it’s okay. Because I will not be giving up.
Sometimes I might fall, and yes, I will need your help to get back up again. But you will never, ever, read in my story “…and she gave up.” No. Because she didn’t.
She pressed on.
~ Julie xo
[Images sourced using Google Images]