I used to be fantastic at holding grudges as a kid. I was so good at it! I would get angry quickly, and then hold on to that anger for a very long time. A decision I had to learn to face, though, was A) do I keep hating and hold that grudge? Or B) do I just let it go? Sometimes, no one is actually in the right or the wrong. It might have been a misunderstanding, and sometimes these things can really hurt… especially when neither party sees the “need” to apologise. So there’s a choice staring you right in the face then: Hold the grudge? Or let it go?
Sometimes, we feel like we have the right to hold a grudge or stay angry with someone. Perhaps a friend or someone else close to you really hurt your feelings. Maybe they went back on their word, told you an untruth, or spread a rumour; whatever they did it probably really hurt. Revenge sounds kind of sweet. They definitely don’t deserve to be let off this one lightly. It feels like the easiest thing to do is to just stay angry – they were in the wrong, so they need to apologise before you can move on, right?
It might feel like the easiest thing at that moment to be angry and hold onto the anger and bitterness, to hold that grudge and harden your heart. But it won’t take long to realise how much more that hurts you inside. You think that you’re getting back at the other person, you think that staying bitter or angry is going to teach them a lesson and earn you an apology. I’m afraid that isn’t how it works. The grudge eats you up inside until you’re bitter and empty. The Bible even tells us in Ephesians 4 to not let the sun go down while we are angry. Don’t harbour things up between you and that person… go and make peace. This doesn’t mean you have to go back to being close friends, especially if the friendship is toxic. But you need to make peace for your own sake.
It isn’t worth holding grudges. This is the voice of experience in that area – you’re hearing this from someone who had a lot of those! I still remember the feeling of intense, bitter hate I held towards someone until one day I realised that the hate was only hurting me. It wasn’t worth it. I couldn’t love or even like this person because of the way they treated me, I could hardly even tolerate their presence! But I asked God to love them for me. I asked God to do the loving until I was able to do it. And you know what? He did.
I asked Him to bless this person (oh yes, it was hard and I felt very bitter and awful to start with!) and I asked Him to love them because I couldn’t. It wasn’t long before I felt differently toward them. There was no more hate or bitterness. Tolerance became easier. Tolerance grew to us being on good terms with each other, and that was all it needed to be. There was peace, not hate. No more grudges.
If you’ve fallen out and are angry with someone, try praying for that person. If you’re not speaking, perhaps you could consider making contact with them. Maybe write a letter. If you can’t make contact with them or it hurts you too much to speak to them, write a letter and burn it. Get things off your chest – it helps! The easiest thing for me is to write a letter. You may have read my post An Open Letter to My
Have a beautiful and blessed week ahead.
Julie xx
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