Now I lay me down to sleep,
I close my eyes and count some sheep.
The sheep are brown and black but hither
There are lots of sheep – they can’t sleep either.
Their minds are bereft of sleep.
Silky fleece all ground and dark,
Surely they will find their mark
As on and on they pass me by,
And I lie so still… but can’t sleep… why?
Angels flitter to and fro…
Tell me why this isn’t so,
The darkness should comfort…
But comfort flees; I toss and I turn.
It is rest – sweet sleep – for which I yearn.
The dawn birds shriek, merry and proud.
My heart still beats… why am I not allowed
To sleep like the birds? To wake with glee…
Thoughts still racing… woe is me!
The sun begins to peek, the golden rays glowing bright.
The birds continue, as they farewell the night.
They peck. They holler.
Not for cash, or success, or to earn a dollar.
Seamless and graceful are some. Others just waddle.
Oh, to be a bird… just to be one… I’m in such a muddle.
Sleep deprivation, the bane of one’s life.
Be it lawyer, or banker, or labourer or wife.
Sleep is aching. It is beyond reach.
As hard as I try, as desperate as I feel,
Sleep still seems to flee.
Whenever I’m lying awake in the night,
My mind… it just begins to take flight!
Alas! Another sleepless night for me.
Birds begin chirping. Panic awakes.
The light that makes others blissful
Seems distant and cold.
The dawn while awakening, with light as its promise.
I lie there awake, waiting and silent.
My head spins with dread. My heart beating silent.
My chest is heavy. My heart feels cold.
The light brightens. How can I do this? My soul just feels old.
The panic continues to rise within me, deep inside my soul.
It is all I can feel – it seems all consuming…
I just want to feel whole.
I lie there waiting as I try to breathe; I’ve got to do this, but how?
Okay… I brace myself… let’s face it now.
Slowly and heavily my body rises.
Slowly my mind shifts into shape.
The day is yet another. The birds merry chatter.
I look a fright; the mirror is not kind.
A daily occurrence.
That sleep deprived look that would not make an angel take a second glance
Teeth brushed, hair aplomb,
I walk out the door. Pretending to look ‘da bomb’.
Keys turn. Car engine starts whirring.
I turn on some music and thoughts start recurring.
Why can’t sleep hold me in her arms,
And keep me warm and tight?
A few light words
Maybe a kiss goodnight.
Perhaps tonight I will fall in her warm embrace,
And then I will see a better me, when I see my face.
Feeling numb I slowly make it through the day,
Just another day, just another dollar;
Sometimes I wonder, why do I even bother?
I struggle to make it through the day…
The sleepless nights are all too much.
Maybe one night there will be a moment…
A moment where things fall in to place.
When sleep takes me into her sweet embrace.
The darkness will unfold, but I will be okay…
I will be safe. I will sleep.
Things won’t feel so bleak.
Sleep reminds me there might be a day, that I will wake up warm and free.
Dreamless sleep. Curled up like a child.
Maybe some dreams… dreams of a wild
Wonderland in slumber.
The place where a mind gives permission to be free.
A cool breeze through a winter forest,
A beach with a view… and to be honest,
These are the dreams that inspire the day,
When sleep beckons, you lay awake,
Heavy eyelids, for my soul I to take
To a darkened place where life exists, if only in my mind.
As the day begins to draw to a close, I breathe a sigh of relief.
We made it. It’s done. But… my time of dread is coming…
The night, the time a fear, but wish with all my heart
I could embrace it… that it would enfold me
In the deep darkness of sleep.
I dream of dreamless, deep, unconscious sleep;
I long for the day it is easy for me…
Oh, how I feel the need to weep.
I need prepare the evening meal…
This shouldn’t be such a big deal!
The garden smiles at me as I approach.
The green looks so perfect I dare not reproach,
The bugs and little things that nibble my friends.
I pluck a tomato, I pick some greens
And I cook some pasta, then add some cheese.
The meal is done, it’s the end of the day,
My mind begins to spin once again.
I sit and I gaze, at what, I’m not sure, but my mind drifts as I wonder
About other creatures, do they dream? Do they ponder?
Lost in my thoughts, the train begins… another carriage, another thought,
And it goes on and on… the steam from the train
Is the fog in my brain…
I think it is time to try to sleep.
With a sigh, I got to the box
Where I keep my bottles, jars, and boxes of pills.
They don’t truly understand ,the doctors who give these,
They don’t understand the mentally ill.
They say “this pills will help you remember how to smile”…
But they don’t always tell you, “for them to work, it can take a while.”
I battle with the side effects,
The fatigue, the mindless mess.
They say give it four more weeks…
But it is me who is feeling weak.
With trembling hands I take my daily dose,
And dream of what I want the most:
Peace. Sleep. Beautiful, peaceful sleep.
The pills. The dream
They are not what they seem.
The darkness and the fear
Still lie awake even if they are near.
All hope goes askew if darkness waits in the queue.
It stands there waiting
Till it’s dark mind keeps taking
Our thoughts and dreams in to it’s abyss.
A place it will surely miss
Until our mind finds a place
To keep ready a pace,
To keep the demons at the door,
Not will them anymore.
Pills and doctors make us shake,
But never mistake:
Life continues evermore,
Shove the demons out the door.
Embrace your doubts and fears, don’t live a life with fears anymore.
Don’t live a life with fears every day!
Put the demons aside, get them out of the way!
Make the most of every moment.
It’s dark outside now, and it is time to rest…
I hope and I pray that I might sleep tonight. It is always a test,
But I will never give up.
I look outside and at the stars I gaze…
Their magnificence and beauty for all to see.
I see one shining so bright… I might make a wish…
I’ll wish upon the star, that I may have the sleep, that I need tonight.
And I will say a prayer, asking the Lord to be near…
I know He’s never far, I just need to feel Him here.
May your heart flow with Grace
Knowing there’s a better place
To let our heart rest, our mind find peace
Thinking of pasta and a nice place to sleep.
Bouncing like cats on a trampoline,
Sometimes life is not as it seems.
Life is rich and kind and full
Don’t let it change your mind at all!
There are always more beautiful things to think on,
Don’t let yourself get down, press on.
Soon we will sleep,
There will be no need to weep,
In it’s time and it’s way,
Everything will be okay.
~ JP & MW ~
