3 Extremely Valuable Lessons I have Learnt from Life

Life can get pretty intense. Things get busy, we get overwhelmed, and we struggle and feel like we fail at times. But lately, I have been doing a lot of learning. Learning things about other people and about myself; important things that I could not have learnt if I did not go through some very difficult times. 
I have been encouraged and inspired to become a better person through all of this, and I hope that by sharing these things, someone else might be encouraged too. Here are three of the latest things I have learnt, which I consider to be extremely valuable life lessons:

Lessons regarding friends:
Friends are so important. They play such a huge part in our lives! I know that I wouldn’t be where I am today without the ones in my tight circle who didn’t give up on me, even when I gave up on myself.
Throughout my teenage years, especially from age 15, I have been learning who my “real” friends are. I thought I had concluded who they were after I started going out with Josh and then got married… it was the ones who stuck around, and who visited us, and who were there for me after a rough day, right? Not necessarily. I have been in so many different circles since then, and only a small handful of people have stuck with me. Even some of those ones who were like family are now acquaintances. I used to get really sad about that because when I have a friend, I will love them as much as is humanly possible. Then to have one that you love so very much just change, not need you anymore, not want you, or even turn on you, is heartbreaking. And because I’m a firm believer in second chances, I often ended up setting myself up for heartbreak all over again. This, however, has taught me the truth of a saying I heard not too long ago: “We have three types of friends in life – friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime”. Some friends are in our lives for a reason. Others are just for a season, and when that season is over, we need to move on. Then there are friends for a lifetime. You can honestly depend on each other. You might not talk all the time, but when you do it’s like you never stopped. Hold tight to those friends, they are more precious than gemstones! Hold on to the friends who lift you up, and let go of the anchors who do nothing but drag you down. Life is too short to be weighed down by negativity from fake friends.

Attitudes towards life:
The way we take things that are thrown our way tells a lot about who we are as a person. You have two choices: 1) you can let things drag you down and allow yourself to drown in self-pity, or 2) you can learn from what happens, and make the best of what life hands you. 
The first choice is the easiest. But really, is that who you want to be? Do you want to be the person who drags others down, who has so much negativity surrounding their life that they end up driving others away from them? Or, would you rather be the one who puts their chin up and shoulders back, and presses on? The one who takes what hand they are dealt in life, and makes the best that they can out of it? I know which one I’d rather be.
I was feeling a little sorry for myself a while ago. Then a friend told me a story about a man who was a Russian spy.  The man failed his mission and was captured, and the doctor who was checking him up to make sure no torture was happening asked him how he was doing, and he said he was good. The doctor said, “Physically you are, yes, but how about mentally?” The man responded, “People really think the failure hurts me, but I didn’t fail. I learned. That’s why it doesn’t hurt me.” 
He didn’t lose. He learned. Since then, I have been learning to think like that. I don’t keep failing, and I am not a failure. I am not “bad at life”. I am learning. Over the last couple of months of trying to put this into practice, there have been a lot of times where I didn’t do so well. But I am learning. And over time, with being consistent in the right attitude, I am going to get so much better at it! I know with enough hard work and effort that I can be the person I really want to be. And believe me – if I can do it, anyone can!

Letting go: 
“Let go… How would your life be different if you learned to let go of things that have already let go of you? From relationships long gone, to old grudges, to regrets, to all the ‘could’ve’ and ‘should’ve’, to the dead friendships you still hang on to… Free yourself from the burden of a past you cannot change.”
– Dr Steve Maraboli 
Letting go and moving on doesn’t only apply to friendships that last just for a season. It’s something that we need to do in many aspects of our lives; something we have to do for our own good.
When I was younger, I used to stay angry and hold grudges. I soon learnt how awful it felt to hate and hold on to the bitterness, so I forced myself to pray for them, forgive, and let go. And the freedom I felt from that was like no other! Don’t hold on to things that hurt you and make you bitter. That hurtful thing your friend said when you were 15? It’s past. They were childish. Let go. That job interview that didn’t go so well because of something you “should’ve or could’ve” said or done differently? Learn from it, then let go. 
When you don’t let go of things that happen or old friendships and times that have passed, you are allowing these things to be a burden. You’re carrying unnecessary weight in your life, and that’s going to drag you down so you can’t get anywhere. Think about an anchor for a moment. An anchor is made for a ship so that it can’t go anywhere. These unnecessary things you are carrying are anchors for you. If you don’t let them go, they are going to hold you down and prevent you from moving on in your life. You’ll stay in regret and bitterness. But if you let go, you’ll feel free. You’ll discover new possibilities and things you hadn’t considered when you look ahead instead of looking back!

Life is so full of valuable lessons for us to learn. These three lessons are things that have been in my face for such a long time, but until I changed my attitude to one where I wanted to learn, be teachable, be positive, and make the most that I can from my life, I simply didn’t see them. Now, I do, and I am still learning. I wanted to share these things because they are something that I believe a lot of people need to learn themselves. Perhaps reading someone else’s experience will help them realise it for themselves? I hope so 🙂

So as you go through life, try and learn to make the best of the hand you are dealt. And then when it’s time to move on after a season, learn to let go of hurts and not to hold grudges. Choose to not dwell on the past and be bitter and regretful; instead, grow in wisdom, love, and kindness. Choose to learn and look for the positives, and you’ll find that you never really fail. You either win, or you learn.

Julie xo